The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
