You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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