just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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