i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
