Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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