you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
