sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
