I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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