when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
