By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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