Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize