i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
