i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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