I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
