How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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