new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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