Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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