My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
