dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
worst night to have a conscience
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
