you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
