There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize