I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
