you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
