y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
