I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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