Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
