he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
