i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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