If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
