you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
