it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
