I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
