How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
