Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
