U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
