a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
