Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
