I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
