bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
