I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize