My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
