Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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