I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish there were birth control emojis
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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