Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
