it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
