I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
