I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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