tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
