I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
