Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
