so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Congratulations! We have a period
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
