If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hippo gnu deer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
