I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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