I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize