Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will be naked everywhere
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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