Fine. I'll sleep in my office
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
