I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
