He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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