I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
