he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize