why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
