did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
