Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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