lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
