she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
