please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
