My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
