Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
