Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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