just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
