38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize