If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
