im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
