Will you blow on my dice?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
