My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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