Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
