there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize