Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
