I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
