There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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