I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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