is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
