He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
