her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
