Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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