sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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