Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
as a side note pls kill me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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