oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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