Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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