I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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