so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
