You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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