ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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