Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
