if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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