nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
