I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
