Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
