He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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