im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
