My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
