So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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