when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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