Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
